Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize