My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
