Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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