Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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