im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ruined the universe
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
