who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
