Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
