FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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