he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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