Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
