It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
