omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
