he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
