he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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