So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
