yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
