I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
