I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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