im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's blow job season.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize