Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
