I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
