My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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