mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
