Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
