i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
