Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
