Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
