my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
