She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
