my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
