I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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