where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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