fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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