The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize