This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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