we made out on top of his cat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
