You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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