He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
