i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
