he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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