I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
