my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
