dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
