Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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