Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
