am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize