Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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