Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
MIDGETS
????
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
