hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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