I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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