Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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