dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your cock deserves a montage
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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