Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
