thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
