I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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