tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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