it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
