and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
