I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
