Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
