just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My balls are so social today.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize