there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
they need to just BURY HIM!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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