i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
