i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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