what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
