what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
