Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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