He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
