maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
