dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
