Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
