Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
