TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
