Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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