i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
