i came on her dog
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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