I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
