Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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