with your own penis?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
