Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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