She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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