No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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