I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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