so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
