i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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