I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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